Black Hole

Today, Al Franken pulled ahead in the U.S. Senate recount. A couple dozen steps still need to play out before we have a winner, but this is a milestone. After all, Franken has been behind in the media counts for weeks.

We at SRC are not recount experts, but we are spin savants. So let us ponder the milestone’s spinplications. For weeks, Senator Coleman has been vigorously arguing against counting illegally excluded absentee ballots, judicial involvement and the recount in general. Now that he’s behind, he assumably will be forced to attempt the most difficult PR move known to man, the dreaded Reverse Spin.

The Reverse Spin requires one to completely unsell that which he or she has aggressively sold. With a complete straight face, Senator Coleman will have to Reverse Spin from “it would be a crime to burden the taxpayers with a recount!” to “common decency demands that every vote must be counted,

no matter the duration or expense!” From “absentee ballots must never be counted!” to “the future of our democracy depends on absentee ballots being counted!” From “we must keep the lawyers out of this at all costs!” to “let’s remove this from the filthy political arena and resolve this in a fair, impartial court of law!”

And it could get even more interesting. If subsequent phases of the recount lead the Senator to retake the lead in the media counts, he may need to attempt the never before executed Double Reverse Spin. The DRS calls for the spinner to return to the original positions he took before he RS-ed out of them. Astro physicists have long postulated that a successful DRS could lead to the creation of a black hole and End Times, leaving the recount forever in doubt.